nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So. Much. Porn.
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