he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
