i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
