My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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