It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
