I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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