If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
