Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
