If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
