i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
