he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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