dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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