Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
