I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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