just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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