it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
