Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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