it wasn't lemon gatorade
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
