Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
