he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
