Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
