yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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