i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
