i think my tv is drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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