3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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