Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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