I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
