You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
