Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
