Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
