dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
