The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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