Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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