I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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