M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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