do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
