As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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