I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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