you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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