Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
