The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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