She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
