Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
