and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
