dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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