I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
