Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
