i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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