I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
