the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
