three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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