Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
