the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Its about making memories worth repressing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Someone signed my nipple.