mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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