Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
