I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
