Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
