dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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