Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also, beer. Big fan.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
