Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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