u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ttyl tear gas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
