i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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