Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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