'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
