Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
