Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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