So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
