8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
only you would photoshop your dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
