a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
