My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
