I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
