I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
