i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
