ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
